Sunday, August 13, 2017

Day 210 - Making Your Space a Home: Redefining and Living the Word 'Home'



This blog is part of a process of self-change that I am walking. The process is multi-faceted, some aspects are very structured, others are not, kind of like life. This particular part is structured, where I choose a word that I am not effectively living, break it down, and re-define it to a way that is supportive.



I found myself feeling out of place within the various homes I have occupied over time. I noticed certain friends of mine or people I meet sometimes seem to make a place their own more easily than I had managed in my life., but the truth is that I never really looked at this or asked myself if it was something I can change... until now.

I’ve moved around a lot in my life, and every time I would arrive at a new location I would have projections about what it would feel like to live there, and I would hold an optimistic outlook on how my life would be and how I would make this new place my home. I would settle in over time, but as time passed I would never quite be able to create this feeling I was looking for, the feeling of being ‘at home’.

The repeating cycle that would occur is that the new apartment would become messy and disorganized and financial and other stresses would inevitably arise and plant their roots in my mind and thus be reflected back to me by my environment. Soon most things in the house would cause a negative reaction in me, such as anxiety for example, as I would see things I was neglecting or unfinished projects I would judge myself for having abandoned.

Slowly, over time I would lose my authority in the situation, as I would lose authority over myself and my actions, and this unfortunately leads to a lack of order and direction, which creates an environment that is not conducive to healing, growing or expanding. This environment is actually more conducive to perpetuating anxiety, overwhelmingness and other self-limiting patterns, wherein I become the product of the environment I have created, instead of the environment becoming the product of me as I create myself into someone that is striving to meet their utmost potential.

In this blog I’ve taken up looking at this word ‘home’, and I have decided that it is time for me to decide how I am going to re-define the word ‘home’. This way, I can apply that definition into my daily living, thus creating a living word for myself, wherein slowly over time, one word at a time, I will create a ‘living vocabulary’ and thus, a new life for myself on My Terms – not the terms of the disorder.

The word home, a defined in the dictionary, means:

1.       the place where one lives permanently, especially as a member of a family or household:

      
Sounding out the words (what hidden words or phrases can I see within the word?)

HOnor ME - (home is a place where I honour myself, and my internal/external environment should reflect that)

HOne in on ME - (Home is a place that I know in the utmost detail, and when attention is needed somewhere, I hone in on it. If something requires attention and is not getting done, I first hone in on me – my mind – to check why am I not moving myself to tend to the task)

HarmOny in ME ( Home is a place where I create as little friction as possible, where events and play-outs are directed by me in a way that creates them to be beneficial to me, supporting and nurturing my growth and development).

HOusing ME ( Home is the physical location that is housing me, whether it is in my body or my house, and it therefore requires to be physically maintained: kept clean, tidy, organized, well presented, and practical for me).

I like how in the ‘sounding out’ of the word I see a focus on ‘me’, before only considering the physical location, because this way home can be wherever I am. The dictionary definition states that a home is the place where one lives ‘permanently’. 

This can be complicated for someone in my situation who has for so long been living temporarily in different locations. If I were to limit myself and my experience to the dictionary’s definition, then I may react by feeling things like lost, homeless and self-pitying, because, according to the dictionary definition, I don’t have a’ home’! This can potentially be disempowering, because it’s important to have a place and a space within which to grow and be grounded, and without one I feel ungrounded and like I have no place, This is the kind of potential consequence of not fully investigating the words we are living and defining ourselves according to.

I would like to instead Empower myself by creating my own definition for the word home. This new definition is not just a physical location; it is a living and a doing, internal and external. ‘Home’ is actually who and how I am within myself, and the physical location is simply an extension of myself, so that by extension, it also becomes my ‘home’.

Home:

Orderly – I have a place for things and I address and tend to all components as necessary.

Safe – it is a safe place/space because as I establish the environment I want to create, such as developing self-acceptance (no judgment) and self-discipline (stopping OCD patterns, keeping everything in order etc), my mistakes, falls and slip-ups are immediately forgiven, and the slate is clean for me to learn from the experience and try again. In my home environment, internal and external, I forgive myself, I learn, I expand.

Directed - Home is where I prioritize what needs to get done, and I move myself through the tasks. This is Self-direction, where I am the one that assesses my home’s needs – my body as food, water, exercise, relaxation etc… my house as groceries, cleaning, decorating etc… in my home, I push myself to get everything that needs to get done, done.

Update:
I have really enjoyed living this re-defined word. I have been making spots for everything in my environment, and pushing to stay consistent with putting items back in their place. I have made some small investments into decorations, candles, plants and furniture that I chose from a starting point of creating my space as my home.

The process of self-change is not an instantaneous one, and I know it will take time. But already I am experiencing myself differently in my environment. It is warm and comforting and I do feel at home there, more so now than ever. I also find myself doing more constructive things in my space, which is always cool. Greatful to have learned the process of re-defining and living words, as I have expanded my living vocabulary to include more words to support me at work, out with friends, and while I'm alone with tasks and obligations.

Check out this video on redefining words, and how it can change YOUR life!

How can you practically redefine words within yourself and your life? How can you practice and expand yourself within Living Words? Why is it important to practice redefining words in preparation for learning how to effectively live them and make them a part of yourself and your everyday life?

And this Amazing EQAFE support: 

Home & Everything in it - Relationship Success Support 
 "How does your home environment become an extension of you?
What happens on a Quantum Physical level within you when you see each item that you have in your home environment?
Why does the way that your partner interacts with the things in your home environment have the potential to have a significant effect on you?"

 

Day 209 - The Decision to Break Down, and Start Over



This post is continued from:

The Day I realized I had A Profound Inability to Make Decisions for Myself
(https://steemit.com/desteni/@kimzilla/the-day-i-realized-i-had-a-profound-inability-to-make-decisions-for-myself)

and:


I left off where I had made my first real decision for myself in my life, independent from outside influence, and from a starting point of creating a better self and life. The main point being that when I made this decision my entire life fell apart around me.

I realized that making decisions dependent on other people my whole life created a foundation on top of which I built a life that wasn’t beneficial to me. When I started taking myself back and making decisions for me, I rocked my life to its very foundations and all the structures fell.

This was somewhat traumatic, and maybe I did it too fast and all at once instead of taking it one step at a time. But I was hell-bent on fixing things in my life and had no patience to wait.

Some of the bigger decisions I started making was really committing to improve my relationship with my husband, and to go back to school so that I could empower myself to make a better life for us.

Within that, going back to school to get a degree was another biggie.
While I was away at school, my husband and I had our own individual realizations, and agreed to end the marriage. Another biggie for me.

I also decided to quit my job (eek!) and move back to Canada from the US (gak!).
I decided to start my life over on all fronts with very little money, a lot of debt, and little usable work history in order to fulfill my decision to get a ‘real’ job in the corporate world.

I got a ‘real’ job I the corporate world, and decided to stay there till my debt was paid off.

There is a list of the top 5 stressors that can really mess with your mind, things like the death of a loved one, divorce, career change, moving, and health issues. I was living three of them simultaneously.

Also, within the entire playout, I did not take easily to the corporate world, I did not have a smooth experience dating for the first time after 10 years, I did not handle living alone so well, and I didn’t integrate well back into the city.

BUT, I did not give up. I felt so strongly about the decisions I had made, because I had made them for me. Within this, I found a perseverance, commitment and dedication which I nurtured and developed throughout the 4 years that this lasted. All of this was made possible because I had discovered self-forgiveness, with which I taught myself how to be gentle and patient with myself, push myself and never give up.

Where I stand now is at the top of the hole I had dug. A perspective from which I can now look down and see all the experiences objectively. I can also look at myself in the present moment and see, I paid my debt, I have savings, I have a really cool new relationship that I find extremely supportive. I have friends in the city and have created a life there that I enjoy. And I can look to the future, wherein I have future plans that I am working towards, and I am excited about what I am going to do next!

What is the moral of the story?

For me it has been to stop being asleep at the wheel.
It is so easy to just float along in life and not realize how quickly and easily we can lose ourselves and the true starting point of SELF.

It is self first, always.

Not in a selfish way, but in the way that if you don’t take care of yourself and live with eyes open in awareness, how can you ever expect to assist or support anyone else? You can’t do anything for someone else that you have not learned to do yourself.

Also, lastly – it does not just happen naturally.

We are basically programmed into a default mode that we have to snap ourselves out of. I use a course called DesteniIProcess, where I learn about self-forgiveness, self-commitments and self-corrective application. I like the structure and the discipline required to keep it up, because again, I am doing it for me.

Find what works for you!

Thanks for reading!


Check out these AWESOME resources:

The Suppression Virus and an All Systems Meltdown



How can you create your own "all systems down meltdown" by accepting and allowing the suppression of problems / issues coming up inside of you through thoughts and memories? How does suppression of things inside yourself lead to an emotional memory build up in your mind and body, contributing to an eventual breakdown experience? What is the solution?

Here is the link to the blog expanding on this video: http://realmomentswithme.blogspot.co....

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Creation’s Journey to Life - http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspo...
Heaven’s Journey to Life - http://heavensjourneytolife.blogspot....
Practical Desteni – http://practical-desteni.blogspot.com/
Moments with Me - http://realmomentswithme.blogspot.com/

EQAFE
https://eqafe.com/

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