My life has changed rather drastically over the past few
months, and all the change has unearthed some subconscious and underlying fears
that I have been living with for quite some time. A point came up recently
where I have been sharing myself, wherein I would discuss situations and events
in my life with another/others in an attempt to gain comfort from these fears
that were coming up. I have realized that the best and most effective advice
comes from cutting through my own bullshit, facing my fears by stepping up and
taking responsibility for them, and sharing with myself, through writing, the
support that is most difficult to hear.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to discuss
and reveal the details of certain specific aspects of my life in order to
create a positive energetic experience about them with another.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take
actions to create a positive energetic experience about events in my life in
order to make my life/my ego seem ‘greater-than’ what they in fact actually
are, instead of focusing on the reality of the events or situations, and within
humility, focusing on Who I Am within them.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek
and crave the energy I am able to create within and as ‘gossiping’ about myself
and my life with another, thus creating unintended/undesirable/unnecessary consequences,
which are like chain reactions that involve more beings than only myself, instead
of directing the events according to the principles I have learned, understood,
and committed to..
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
think/believe/perceive that the way I feel
about an event/situation/circumstance determines whether I am directing
myself ‘correctly’ or ‘incorrectly’, instead of seeing/realizing/understanding that
the only matter of importance is Who I Am within the events/situations/circumstances,
whether or not I am aligning myself according to principles, including
honouring and supporting myself, and
what and how I am building myself as a being of integrity within what I say and
do.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear
taking responsibility for directing the
events/situations/circumstances of my life, and to, within not taking
self-responsibility, fail to create a blueprint for myself to properly deal
with the points and parts of myself I am faced with, and within this:
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use this
lack of a blueprint as an excuse to look to others for direction and advice,
and to use the energetic ‘bond’ or ‘closeness’ as a comfort to make myself feel
‘better’, ‘safer’ and ‘not alone’, when the reality is that I am alone in the
position of taking self-responsibility and deciding Who and How I Am and how I
will direct my life and world.
When and as I see that I am looking to create energy with another about events/situations/circumstances
that require to be directed in my life, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back
to self-direction by breathing through the fear of taking self-responsibility,
and I look to my own common sense and principles to show myself the best way to
handle and direct myself.
When and as I see that I am using gossip as a way to feed the
experience of myself, I stop, and I
breathe. I bring myself back to self-realization by reminding myself that when
I only focus on how I feel, I neglect
to take into consideration the multi-dimensional reality of any situation, thus limiting my
ability to truly give myself the gift of actual learning/growing/moving/directing.
I commit myself to face myself as myself, without the crutch
of energy as gossip, and I commit myself to differentiate between
energy-creating communication and self-supportive sharing.
I commit myself to breathe through my reactions and write
them out for myself, and speak about them only when I am clear within myself.
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