This blog
is about a history of not being able to hold onto a job for a long period of
time. The pattern consists of beginning a job with high hopes, which slowly
devolve into a resentful and spiteful relationship towards the job. Normally
this is accompanied by a 'giving up' within the belief that the job is too
difficult, too much, too stressful,not right, not fair, or not fulfilling.
http://www.communityjobclub.org/files/employedchalkboardXSmall.jpg
Within
this blog series I am looking at the what, how, why, where and whith whom do I
participate and perpetuate this pattern. I am forgiving the mufti-dimensions of
this pattern and scripting out practical steps I can take to change. This
blog is continued from:
“I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to focus too much upon my strengths, exalting myself within the
belief that only I can do it
right/properly/best, instead of working as part of a team, all the while,
knowing within myself that I too have weaknesses which, if left unchecked, will
come out and create a problem that will reflect poorly on me.”
When and
as I see myself using memories and thoughts to generate a positive energy
within myself, connected to images and
play-outs within which I have defined myself as having done a good job, I stop,
and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-improvement by reminding myself that
distracting myself within my own ego while not tending to those areas that I am
having difficulty with is preventing myself from actually growing and improving
within my work- thus creating the experience of doing a good job only, instead
of actually learning how to do every part of the job well.
I see,
realize and understand that these thoughts and memories, images and play-outs
that create a positive energetic experience within and as me are but
distractions triggered mostly in moment where I find myself struggling with an
aspect of the job. Instead of fully looking at and facing that aspect of the
job that I am struggling with, in order to determine and script practical steps
to walk through the issue, I would automatically go into day-dreams and
fantasies, making myself feel better instead of taking a breath and facing
myself. Within this pattern, I would constantly continue to struggle with
specific points within employment, never finding a way to deal with them, thus
then accepting and allowing them to perpetuate, creating insecurity and a lack of
confidence in my work.
I commit
myself to humbly address the issues I face at work, and the points I have
difficulty with, and I commit myself to look at them and script out practical
methods with which to deal with them.
To be continued....
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