Day 76- The Fear of Falling in the Face of Confrontation - Self-Forgiveness/Tracing it Back

This is the self-forgiveness statements from the first paragraph of yesterday’s post (from Days- 71, 72, 73 & 74). Within this blog I am tracing back the roots of this fear, starting with some basic self-forgiveness:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear falling in the face of confrontation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear people.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear people confronting me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being in a situation of confrontation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear ‘stepping out of line’ when I communicate with certain people. Within this,

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear upsetting others with what I do/say, so I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear doing or saying the wrong thing. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear someone reacting towards me and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear feeling bad about that reaction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to a memory of when I was younger, when I did something that I didn’t know I would get in trouble for, then when I saw I might get in trouble I lied about it in order to avoid ‘feeling bad’. Afterwards I got in even bigger trouble for lying, but I only lied because I was fearful, and then I felt terrible, even though I felt I hadn’t really done anything wrong in the first place. I was punished and I was not allowed to watch a movie with my cousons, and I felt ashamed and bad and I cried.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have always taken ‘getting in trouble’ so personally since I was little, wherein I believed that it meant I was ‘bad’ and ‘wrong’ as Who I Am, instead of realizing I was only being trained how to function within the system.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress myself within the belief that I am ‘bad’ and ‘wrong’ instead of just simply altering my behavior to that which was being asked of me, without taking anything personally.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to cry and pity myself because I thought and believed that I was unjustly punished, and it hurt my ego, and I participated in these reactions like it was a crime against humanity.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe there is such a thing as ‘just punishment’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be raised within and as ‘fear’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being punished.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear parental figures/figures of authority punishing me when I was little.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that parental figures or figures of authority have any real authority over Who I Am and how I experience myself within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to to give parental figures/figures of authority the real authority of me, instead of being a self-responsible being that considers myself and my place in this world, and acting according to principle, that I can be trusted and trust myself and Who I am in every breath, and thus not require authority.

 

To be continued...