Day 33- Self-Expression Replacing 'Role-Playing'

            Looking at this point in self-honesty, I see how extensively I have constantly and continuously played roles for others, and its like- the more I care about them, the more I play the role. I can determine that I play specific ‘roles’ when I am in the presence of certain specific people, out of fear of self-expression,  in an attempt to control my environment- which I obviously can’t, and lastly, out of fear of hurting others. Self-forgiveness and self- corrective application are required here to assist and support me to walk through this ingrained pattern of role-playing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear expressing myself in front of/around certain specific friends/family members, wherein I accept/allow an internal emotional experience to stop me from expressing myself, and I accept/allow the internal emotional experience of fear to cloud me to the point of not being able to see/realize who and how I am in the moment, thus I go to the ‘default’ of role-playing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fall into the ‘default mode’ of role playing, instead of fearlessly expressing myself in the moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that I am concerning myself with those around me, specifically certain specific friends/family members, instead of realizing that I am actually concerning myself with my self-reflection.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want/need/desire to manipulate my own self-reflection that these certain specific friends/family members are reflecting back to me in terms of the self-definitions and self-judgments I have created for myself when I am with them, by playing certain roles around them, which I think/believe will change the way I see myself when I am with them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe the self-definitions and self-judgments I accepted and allowed myself to create towards these certain specific friends/family members, wherein I believe it to be who I am, when in fact it has only ever been reactions created by me within and as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe that I can change the way I see myself, the way I am, or the definitions/self-judgments I experience towards myself by changing the way others see me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe I can control the way others see me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place any kind of values upon the way others see/perceive me within the understanding that I will never actually know how they see/perceive me, I will only chase clues from within their words/deeds and from that, develop a perception of how I think/believe they perceive me, which is obviously just me creating a self-perception through reflecting myself back to myself through these certain specific friends/family members.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel self-conscious about myself due to all the self-judgment I am exposing within me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself, wherein I see/realize how extensively I live within/as self-judgment.

When and as I see myself going into ‘role playing’ I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to awareness within the understanding that I am only trying to manipulate my self-reflection, instead of realizing that I am right here already. I remind myself that I do not need to use others to see myself, but rather to see what I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from, so that I can bring myself back Here and walk from Here, in equality and oneness.

I commit myself to taking myself back from all the roles I have given myself to in unawareness/lack of awareness.

I commit myself to expressing me as who I direct myself to be

I commit myself to stopping all the roles I play/have played and developed for myself over time.