Friday, May 18, 2012

Day 24- I'm Not Worthy?


     The point I am looking at is self-worth, specifically, not feeling important enough or good enough for another, but rather, defining my self-worth into and as another instead of standing within my self-worth. Specifying more- I saw that I give my power away to another by calling it ‘trust’ in another, when really it is/was abdication of my self-responsibility to stand within my self-worth, by making it the job of another. I also want to touch on taking the actions of another personally.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience myself as ‘not important enough’ for another, in a relationship, wherein I feel I don’t have enough to offer as who I am, but need to ‘do more’ and ‘be more’ in order to have the other consider me as worthy of being with/spending time with.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, believe and/or perceive that I don’t have ‘enough to offer’ in a relationship with another.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that I need to ‘do more’ in order to compensate for the self-created belief that ‘I am not enough’ as who I am in a relationship.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that I need to ‘be more’ in a relationship, as a reaction to the self-created perception/belief that I am not enough for another to be with or spend time with.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to look to another to consider me ‘worthy’ by judging their actions and words towards me wherein I look for indicators of my worthiness, instead of standing within my worth by not accepting or allowing the thoughts, ideas, perceptions and beliefs about me not being enough, doing enough or being worthy enough.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to look for, seek and search out indicators or signe of my worthiness within the actions and words of another, instead of accepting myself as worthy within self-responsibility as a statement of Who I Am.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create an entire perception, definition and belief of myself as unworthy through, over the years and through relationships, abdicating my self-worth to others, wherein I would never find it because it can only ever come from me, so instead of standing within my self-worth, I constantly looked for it within my relationships, and in never finding it, confirmed to myself that it is/was simply ‘not there,’ instead of realizing that I am self-worth, I am worthy of me, and I am enough- and I accept that as Who I Am.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create the perception, belief and definition of myself as not important enough and not good enough, by defining my importance outside of myself, in relationships, wherein I would not nor will ever find it because it is simply not there, it is and has always been right Here, within myself as a human being, equal to and one with all other humans beings as who I am, as who we all are.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel unimportant, and to confirm that feeling through looking for my self-definition within relationships.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel that I’m not good enough, and to confirm it over and over again by defining myself within relationships.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to stand within self-worth.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself abdicate my self-worth to another, and then to deceive myself by calling it trust, as I have trusted another with my self-worth, which is essentially giving my power away to another, and giving them the responsibility to not hurt me and ‘make me worthy’, which is just the experience of worthiness, and not actual living worth, which only I can gift to me and live for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give my power away to another by defining myself within and as them/the relationship.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing another to hurt me because I have defined myself within and as them, and within and as my relationship with them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that another can hurt me/wrong me or intentionally cause me emotional pain, instead of realizing that the other is only deceiving themselves, which has nothing to do with me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take the actions of another personally, as if it is all about me, instead of considering that each is in their own process, and I can only be responsible for me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as emotional pain and jealousy, instead of standing up as Who I am, thus gifting myself back to me within self-responsibility.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe that my relationship is all about me, instead of considering my partner equally, and standing with him/as him as an equal being who supports myself, and as a result, supports him.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I can be victimized or abused emotionally, instead of realizing that I can only victimize and abuse myself within and through separation, by placing my self-definition outside of me.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to take responsibility for my emotional energetic experiences by not participating within and as them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to be the victim and the abused as blame, wherein I blame another for apparently causing me to feel a certain way, instead of looking within myself in self-honesty, to see the starting point of my reaction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being hurt by another.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not being important enough.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not being good enough.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my partner leaving me.

I see, realize and understand that I fear not being important enough, not being good enough, and being hurt, because these things exist within me already, wherein I have already defined myself as not good enough and not important enough, and I know that, thus the fear exists that I will have to face that, which I did/do because of the actions of another, thus creating the experience of hurt, which I can bring back to myself and see that I have hurt myself by defining myself as unworthy, unimportant, and not good enough- when, in fact, obviously I am.

When and as I see myself participating in the voice in my head that tells me I’m not good enough, not important enough and unworthy, I STOP, and I BREATHE. I bring myself back to awareness within the realization that I am responsible for me- not another, and not my relationship, but ME, and I remind myself that I accept me, I allow myself to stand within self-worth, I am the most important being as I am all I have in this life, and…

I commit myself to myself and my process of self, wherein I commit me to gifting me back to myself in my entirety.

I commit myself to taking myself back from relationships, and creating a self-relationship of self-support and self-equality.

I commit myself to STOP defining myself within relationships outside of myself.

I commit myself to stand within self-worth, no matter what happens within my relationship.

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