Saturday, April 29, 2017

Day 205 - The Day I Realized I Had A Profound Inability to Make Decisions For Myself




I can pinpoint the day when I realized I had a profound inability to make decisions for myself: September 10th, 2012. Here's the quote I just read that I had written 5 years ago:
"I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have created and manifested myself as an approval-seeking character throughout my life as a way of ‘getting out of’ making my own decisions, and not having to take responsibility for the decisions I end up making, wherein, they are not my decisions, but rather the decisions of the majority of people whom I’ve perceived as having approved and validated the decision."
This was a part of my personality that, when lived throughout my life, created a life that didn't even feel like my own. I felt like most of what I had lived up until that moment was controlled by outside forces that I was pretty much helpless to influence. The only choices I really felt I had was the flavour of avoidance, the style of lying low, and the method of escape.
It's amazing how the simple act of direct looking at yourself can plant the most potent seeds of self-change. Since that day five years ago, I embarked on a mission to take back my life, and oooooh what a hole did I have to dig myself out of! In my next post I will reveal how I turned myself from 'hole' to 'whole', through the sometimes terrifying process of facing the very present consequences caused by the sins of the past, where the present consequences are the gifts to a better future.

Sunday, December 11, 2016

Manifesting Your Own Consequences


Sometimes the most challenging things to hear can be the most empowering. I recently listened to an Eqafe recording called “Manifesting YourOwn Consequences”, and found it to be (like most of the Eqafe recordings I listen to) a very empowering lesson. While I was listening and relating to the information being shared in this discussion, I was remembering personal experiences and applying what I was hearing to who and how I was within those experiences.
The recording discusses how we actually create consequences in our life to face based on, for example, deep-seated fears we may or may not even know we carry around with us. For me personally, I had repeating patterns of consequences in relationships, at work and in my family. I was able to get a clearer picture about how I had been basing life decisions on these fears that I was carrying around with me, by not looking at and never really facing them. I had been avoiding them, suppressing and avoiding experiences in my life because of this.
Eventually, I had some pretty big emotional and physical consequences play out in my life where what I was doing was placed squarely in front of me. I had the choice to continue living as I was living, or I could learn from what I had done and try a new, different way. This recording assisted and supported me to play back the experiences I have had to create awareness and understanding regarding exactly what I was experiencing and how I was creating it. It also provided some amazing steps, tips and tricks to avoid playing out the same pattern and consequences in the future.
Now I actually look forward to investigating the fears that come up during the day, and directing myself to face them before they turn into unavoidable consequences. I am eager to continue to develop the self-trust and self-honesty to be able to turn facing my fears into constructive instances of self-development!


Friday, December 2, 2016

Secrets Revealed in Body Language




About a week or so ago I listened to a recording that had a direct impact on my life in a very real way. The recording discussed physical posture and what certain positions or mannerisms mean in terms of who you are within yourself. Personally, I do put some consideration into my posture and how I present myself, but never before had it had the impact on my actual experience in a social situation than when I was armed with this information. 

I have had very intense social anxiety, and still to this day it comes out in certain situations. Recently I was at a party that was very hectic and also had people that I didn’t know very well. These are two ingredients which usually make me feel like disappearing into the background and speaking very little. However this time, I kept thinking about the recording and noticing little things I was doing with my body. 

I kept on making small adjustments to my position according to what I had learned, and I noticed that when I was in certain positions I was in fact feeling a certain way within myself (like closed off, focused too much on my internal stuff, or avoiding people and things). As I made the adjustments I felt like I was gently challenging myself to open up a bit more and support myself to reach out and interact. I ended up surprising myself when I saw I was engaging in very natural social behaviour, and as a result, actually having a good time! It ended up being a very enjoyable experience, totally unexpected from just making minor adjustments to my body and checking myself in small moments here and there. 

I would definitely recommend “Gorilla Style – Body Language” (https://eqafe.com/p/gorilla-style-body-language) to anyone that has social anxiety or even finds themselves a bit uncomfortable in certain social situations (like at a meeting, a job interview, party, etc…). It’s amazing how a little awareness can make such a big difference!

To take the first step in supporting YOURSELF, you can check out the following links that led me to take the first steps toward healing, and continue to support me to this day:
 

SOUL –  The School of Ultimate Living is an online community of people interested in
discovering and developing their utmost potential
eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
Journey To Life Blogs – Read the blogs from those walking the 7 year journey to life.
Self and Living – Practical Living Support To Live to Your Utmost Potential
DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey of a Lifetime