Sunday, December 11, 2016

Manifesting Your Own Consequences

Sometimes the most challenging things to hear can be the most empowering. I recently listened to an Eqafe recording called “Manifesting YourOwn Consequences”, and found it to be (like most of the Eqafe recordings I listen to) a very empowering lesson. While I was listening and relating to the information being shared in this discussion, I was remembering personal experiences and applying what I was hearing to who and how I was within those experiences.
The recording discusses how we actually create consequences in our life to face based on, for example, deep-seated fears we may or may not even know we carry around with us. For me personally, I had repeating patterns of consequences in relationships, at work and in my family. I was able to get a clearer picture about how I had been basing life decisions on these fears that I was carrying around with me, by not looking at and never really facing them. I had been avoiding them, suppressing and avoiding experiences in my life because of this.
Eventually, I had some pretty big emotional and physical consequences play out in my life where what I was doing was placed squarely in front of me. I had the choice to continue living as I was living, or I could learn from what I had done and try a new, different way. This recording assisted and supported me to play back the experiences I have had to create awareness and understanding regarding exactly what I was experiencing and how I was creating it. It also provided some amazing steps, tips and tricks to avoid playing out the same pattern and consequences in the future.
Now I actually look forward to investigating the fears that come up during the day, and directing myself to face them before they turn into unavoidable consequences. I am eager to continue to develop the self-trust and self-honesty to be able to turn facing my fears into constructive instances of self-development!

Friday, December 2, 2016

Secrets Revealed in Body Language

About a week or so ago I listened to a recording that had a direct impact on my life in a very real way. The recording discussed physical posture and what certain positions or mannerisms mean in terms of who you are within yourself. Personally, I do put some consideration into my posture and how I present myself, but never before had it had the impact on my actual experience in a social situation than when I was armed with this information. 

I have had very intense social anxiety, and still to this day it comes out in certain situations. Recently I was at a party that was very hectic and also had people that I didn’t know very well. These are two ingredients which usually make me feel like disappearing into the background and speaking very little. However this time, I kept thinking about the recording and noticing little things I was doing with my body. 

I kept on making small adjustments to my position according to what I had learned, and I noticed that when I was in certain positions I was in fact feeling a certain way within myself (like closed off, focused too much on my internal stuff, or avoiding people and things). As I made the adjustments I felt like I was gently challenging myself to open up a bit more and support myself to reach out and interact. I ended up surprising myself when I saw I was engaging in very natural social behaviour, and as a result, actually having a good time! It ended up being a very enjoyable experience, totally unexpected from just making minor adjustments to my body and checking myself in small moments here and there. 

I would definitely recommend “Gorilla Style – Body Language” ( to anyone that has social anxiety or even finds themselves a bit uncomfortable in certain social situations (like at a meeting, a job interview, party, etc…). It’s amazing how a little awareness can make such a big difference!

To take the first step in supporting YOURSELF, you can check out the following links that led me to take the first steps toward healing, and continue to support me to this day:

SOUL –  The School of Ultimate Living is an online community of people interested in
discovering and developing their utmost potential – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
Journey To Life Blogs – Read the blogs from those walking the 7 year journey to life.
Self and Living – Practical Living Support To Live to Your Utmost Potential
DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey of a Lifetime

Thursday, November 12, 2015

Day 202- What Your Excuses are Telling You

I recently sat in on an Eqafe interview and an interesting thing happened. I wasn’t feeling tired before the interview began, but as I was listening I had to fight to stay awake. At one point I was even dreaming with my eyes open. What this indicates is that I was hearing information that my mind did NOT want to hear or accept, like a self-preservation/defense mechanism. Which is interesting because that was the topic of the interview.

The interview was discussing the tendency we have to justify, excuse or limit ourselves to remain a certain way or in a certain personality or habit. For example, I had been facing the point of being shy in a group. I always accepted this as a part of me or of my personality that was unchangeable, and I would  justify remaining this way by telling myself that certain experiences I had had in my life had formed me and now this is how I am. The memories of being bullied or embarrassed in front of a group would come back to haunt me and create a fear or resistance, so in the same or similar situations I would withdraw within myself and want to become invisible, trying to avoid having this memory replay.

So what is happening here is that the mind is using memories to defend this original self-definition or belief, in order to keep up the ‘shyness’ personality and all the reactions that go with that. This is instead of the common sense approach of the person having an experience, learning from it and changing through letting it go and trying something new.

In this, we can see that nothing of us is set in stone, everything is changeable, and we can learn, grow and evolve. But we use excuses based on past memories to justify why we can’t change, and how impossible it is to grow, learn and evolve. This is an important realization, because next time I see myself saying: “I’m this way because…..” or “I can’t do that because…”, I know these are red flags showing me that I am at a moment of opportunity, where I can simply bypass the justifications and excuses, and walk into a new situation with a ‘blank slate’, to really experience what I am in fact capable of.
Self-Study with support, learn to respect you and others, learn how to stop mind chatter, learn how to forgive so effectively that you actually change forever, learn how to stop and change the automatic thoughts that run your life --Sign up for the free course at this link: DIPLITE, try it for yourself .

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Day 200 - The Valentine's Day Revelation

Valentine’s Day

Why do we desire Valentine’s day to be a special and romantic day? Why is it expected of the man to bring gifts to the woman in order to make her feel special or loved?  In today’s world it seems it is simply expected for something special to happen on this day. But is it possible to look into this desire for an emotional experience on this day, and trace it back to a source, where it started, why it started, and how advertisers play on this desire in order to catch us in a wave of purchasing in order to satisfy an emotional or feeling need we don’t necessarily understand?

When I look back at some of my earliest memories of Valentine’s day, there is one in particular that stands out, and when I play back the memory in my mind, and I re-experience how it made me feel, I can see there it is distinctly connected to the need or desire to be made to feel special on Valentine’s day, and still yearning for this experience nearly 25 years later.

I was about 9 years old and I was in class on Valentine’s Day. I noticed some students were receiving many fancy cards and there was laughter and commotion all around them. I had been sitting alone, with few cards and no activity around me. It suddenly felt as though I was part of a movie set where the spotlight was shining on the other students and I was not even in the scene. I felt invisible, forgettable, ignored.

Had it not been for this play-out, I would have been fine, and it would have been another normal day. But instead, I had reacted, and I had made a judgment about myself, one which was reinforced many times over many Valentine’s Days and similar events, and one which was unnecessary. This judgment would limit and diminish me in so many little, seemingly insignificant ways  as I became a teenager and then a young woman, as if my relationship with myself had been somehow poisoned and made slightly toxic.

The proof that the judgment remained lies in the fact that when I finally had someone to spend Valentine’s Day with, I now desired to be in the spotlight, to get the attention and to be made to feel special. I needed to prove to myself that my judgment was wrong: that I was not in fact invisible, forgettable and ignored. But I was using others and outside influences to now make me feel right again within myself.

So what’s the moral of this story? It’s the importance of learning how to take self-responsivity for one’s own reactions and to direct them as they happen, instead of accepting and allowing moments of reaction to define oneself as more or less than one really is. Self-acceptance means accepting myself as I am, Complete and unconditional self-acceptance allows for the greatest self-expansion. The indicators of where in your life you are holding onto an unresolved moment are the seemingly unexplainable secret wishes and desires for people in your world, events and play-outs, to make you feel something inside of you that is different than how you currently feel.

It’s considered normal and even expected for couples to make Valentine’s Day special for each other. Why not let this day be an expression of gratefulness for each other, where there is no manipulation of feelings and emotions to fill past voids or the desire for proof – these are the types of seemingly innocent and normal things that poison the relationship between two people, because it is impossible to fulfill this in another person.

How we feel within ourselves is our responsibility, and with that responsibility comes great power- the power to change yourself and become something more than you ever could have imagined. Don’t let the consumer machine capitalize on our vulnerability. Empower yourself and be your own self-fulfillment. Check out this free online course, where you’ll learn how to take responsibility in moments of reaction, to let go of self-judgment, and walk in the moment with presence and awareness, instead of living in the limiting grips of the past. It’s free, there is no charge, it’s about empowering people, no strings. I learned the material and still apply it every day, it’s worth investing your time in, click HERE to find out for yourself!

Sunday, December 22, 2013

Day 199- Tracing the Source Patterns of OCD (3)

I have writen these these self-committment statements to support myself to change how I learn. Learning has been a hostile and laborious process for me throughout school, which seeped over into my working life. I have been using the process of writing to de-program this perception I have held regarding learning and the learning process, and am re-scripting through words the way in which I would prefer myself to experience this process.This is related to OCD because I am dismantling trigger points that cause me to go into the disorder. One of these trigger points is being confronted/presented with a new concept I do not immediately understand. I am looking into why this triggers OCD within me, and have discovered so far that the learning process overwhelms me. I need to look into this further to figure out why and how this is, how I created this in the first place, and how I have morphed it over time into something completely different that the initial experience/memories.

 I am using my own self-realizations which I derive from writing self-forgiveness and self-corrective application statements in these blogs: Day 196- Tracing the Source Patterns of OCD  and Day 199- Tracing the Source Patterns of OCD (pt 2), The following is based on this self-forgiveness, although more points opened up as I was writing, and I included them in the current self-corrective applications.


“I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want/need/desire to understand everything immediately, in other words and furthermore:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that concepts are only understandable if I can understand them right away/immediately and without effort. Within this:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ‘shut down’ within myself when and as I am confronted/presented with a concept that I do not yet understand, due to the belief that I will never understand accompanied by frustration, confusion and self-judgment.”

When and as I see that I am ‘shutting down’ within myself as a form of self-defeat when/as I am confronted/presented with a new concept which I do not initially understand, I stop, and I breathe. I direct myself to take a step back and stop my participation within/as these reactions in order that I may clear my mind and starting point, and to look at the concept with ‘fresh eyes’, meaning, from a changed starting point; from “I just don’t get it”, to “how does this actually work/how can this make sense” understanding that, within asking myself questions and looking at the concept for answers, I am essentially teaching myself the concept.

Wen and as I react within fear and self-judgment due to being confronted/presented with a new concept that I do not initially understand, and one which I can’t figure out on my own, I direct myself to utilize an resources available to me, such as documents, the internet, or individuals in my environment. I remind myself to remain present and to open my ears and my eyes to see and hear what is being explained to me, so that I don’t distract myself with thoughts/worries/beliefs/emotions that I might get it wrong or that I am being judged for not immediately knowing/understanding the concept. I see/realize/understand that this is my very own self-judgment that I am projecting on to others/my environment, causing me to feel like ‘shutting down’, when I can simply change my perception to create a learning environment that is open, accepting, supportive and enjoyable.
More to come...

Saturday, December 21, 2013

Day 199- Tracing the Source Patterns of OCD (pt 2)

I am going to share an excerpt from my last chat with Bernard Poolman, within which I asked for insight on how I can assist and support myself within walking through and out of the point of OCD. The following structure was provided:

"Memories, for instance could be a series of memories that started at a point and then mutated through the imagination into an other-worldly memory and eventually into a memory that facilitate a feeling or a presence, which then transfers into for instance an action like skin-picking. Here you can for instance, walk it backwards - when a point of OCD occur, then you look at the feeling, dissect it, then you look at the pattern of the feeling, then look at the memories related to it, which are the circumstantial activation points. A Memory will be a reflection within your environment that cause a repeating pattern. Then look at how you have, through repeated views of the memories as thoughts, as thinking about it, as feeling about it - mutated it. Then, search for the original memory, the event, which started it all and then compare the original memory with the memory as it now exist to realise how you have changed it to support the particular repeating paranoia."

I utilized these points to write this blog: Day 196- Tracing the SourcePatterns of OCD.  It is from this blog that I am continuing to investigate how past memories have come back to haunt me – so to speak- because I have used them to create an alternate or other-worldly reality/experience of myself that is not actually completely aligned with the reality that I actually live as myself. The following excerpt comes from my previous blog, which I suggest be read for context. These are the words I will be working with to begin my self-forgiveness:

“I was not able to, at that age, consider that there is a learning process. I did not realize that I was being actively taught something, and I thought that I was already supposed to know these things that the other students knew. I didn’t realize that it was ok that I didn’t know the language yet, or that I was not the only one in the position of not knowing. I reacted to the situation in a state of fear and confusion, and instead of remaining in the present moment and enjoying the learning process and simply listening to the new words, I searched into the past as if I had forgotten to do something or missed something along the way, and I remained utterly confused and frozen with incomprehension as I searched fruitlessly for this knowledge I was apparently supposed to have. Obviously I did not have this knowledge yet, and my search for it was in vain”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want/need/desire to understand everything immediately, in other words and furthermore:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that concepts are only understandable if I can understand them right away/immediately and without effort. Within this,

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ‘shut down’ within myself when and as I am confronted/presented with a concept that I do not yet understand, due to the belief that I will never understand accompanied by frustration,confusion and self-judgment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to look inwards, to direct my attention internally, desperately and frantically searching for knowledge and information pre-existent within myself as a means to comprehend or understand a concept that I am not familiar with, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that the answer is not in my mind, my programming or my understanding, at least not yet, it is in the physical and thus it takes physical time and patience for the process of learning and integration through common sense and a step-by-step process of practice and understanding

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to confusion within/as fear and avoidance, within/as self-defeat expressed as “I just don’t get it”.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the thought “I just don’t get it” to exist within and as me as a form of giving up and shutting down.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the energetic experience of fear and panic to the thought “I just don’t get it”.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make the decision within and as myself, that when I don’t ‘get’ something, I will never get it, and within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as inferior to the knowledge and information, and inferior to those who do get it faster than/before myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as less-than and inferior during the learning process, which causes me to fear and avoid the learning process.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear and avoid the learning process due to my own accepted and allowed self-judgment regarding who and how I am within learning.

To be continued…